Let me tell you about Leslie.
Leslie and I went to the beach last week. I’m still quite self conscious about being seen snapping pictures, so I decided to take my camera to get more comfortable with the whole idea. After all, I would have a captive subject right there with me. We chatted as I pulled out the camera and pointed it at the horizon. I worked a few test shots, adjusted the ISO and aperture to where I wanted it. I fiddled with the shutter release, the camera body is old and button has a tendency to stick. I got everything ready.
And then I turned the camera to her.
Immediately, Leslie let out a cry of embarrassment and covered her face with her hands. But after a moment her fingers slid apart and she peeked out to see if I was still waiting to take the picture, I was.
It wasn’t a bid for attention, not a demure display to provoke a compliment, it was genuine embarrassment overcome by budding delight over the compliment. It was the playful reaction of somebody with firm internal confidence balanced against genuine modesty.
Because that, at the core, is what she is, genuine.
Today marks our first entire year together. Around this time last year, we were dressed up as pirates and sent to chase visitors around the LegoLand parking lot as they arrived for a special event. We even managed to hassle a few celebrities as well. Leslie and I had interacted in the past, mostly a few half remembered conversations that she insists actually took place, but this was the first time we really socialized.
So we ran around, made up jokes, and acted ridiculous. Personally, I acted especially ridiculous, pulling out every dumb, half mad, character shtick I had in my comedy grab bag. Any person watching me that day would probably wonder if I hadn’t been out in the sun too long. Instead, I made her laugh, and, even better, she made me laugh. But she did more than that.
She made me stop worrying about the future.
The course of my life has been thrown into chaos several times in the past, sometimes rather severally. Each time it was related to a toxic relationship. And my secret ingrained fear of being alone would force me to keep that toxic element around far too long, or have me jump right back into an equally bad situation. So it kept happening.
Realizing this, when I came to Southern California over two years ago I vowed that I wouldn’t make that same mistake again, never again. So I was single for a long time. At some point the worry took over. I’m a terrible dater, I have almost zero experience with it. Now I was worried that if I did meet somebody, would I actually be able to ask them out? Would I be able to find somebody in the first place? I was happy being single, not looking for a relationship in the slightest, and even still a thousand voices whispered what ifs into my ear.
One day while dressed as a pirate was all it took.
She silenced the voices and filled my life with a genuine love, understanding, openness, and honesty that I’ve never had before. These things not only exist between us in the relationship, but also continually spread to dwell within us as well. It is an openness and honesty directed not only to the other person, but also to ourselves. The arete of the relationship cultivating us as people.
This first year has flash by in a heartbeat. The time we’ve spent together seeming to extend to the horizon of memory, and at the same time like it all just happened, or is just about to. Leslie, you have all my love. I don’t know where our journey is going to take us, but I know it’s going to be incredible.
This is only the beginning.
Weasel Tea 